Why Am I Always To Blame, Why is it Always My Fault

Always To Blame, Always My Fault

A case study on the negative person who makes you feel like you’re always to blame and it’s always your fault

by Catherine Pratt

For this case study on negative people, let’s talk about the negative person who makes you feel like you’re always to blame, it’s always your fault and nothing you do is ever right!

Most likely after many of your encounters with this person, you end up feeling guilty, upset, emotionally drained and confused. You may even feel like you’re completely useless or incompetent.

The most difficult times to deal with this type of negative person is when they’re in the role of your boss, your parent, or your significant other.

This type of person isn’t always easy to identify at first. For ease of reading this article, I’m going to use “he” throughout but a blamer can be male or female. The blamer can be very charming and likeable yet also have this darker side. When you’re dealing with the darker side, it will feel like the rug is always being pulled out from under you and nothing you do is ever right, or you get blamed for his mistakes or his deceptions. Trying to be rational with him doesn’t work. Trying to get him to see how hurt you feel by what he’s doing doesn’t work. In fact, these two tactics will make it much, much worse.

So, what should we call this particular type of negative person? I tend to call them blamers because they always blame someone else for anything and everything. They are never the one at fault. This is one of the main clues to identifying this type of personality. They always blame everyone else but themselves when things go wrong.

They are extreme blamers though in that this blaming aspect is a main part of their personality. They’re not someone who just occasionally blames others when they get frustrated.

You’ll sometimes hear what I call “blamers” also being referred to as “narcissists” by psychologists. When I first heard this description of them, I didn’t associate it with the type of personality I was constantly encountering. I thought of narcissists as meaning people who are basically in love with themselves, only talk about themselves, and don’t care about anyone else. But, this is only one very specific type of narcissist. There are many different layers and levels to narcissists and you’ll find that they can come across as very caring towards others in certain situations, seem charming and interested in you when you first meet, talk about other people and just do not seem to match the most well known description of a narcissist. They can come across as truly nice people in the beginning, and it’s not until later that you suddenly realize you feel like you’re trapped in a nightmare and also that you’re now very much involved even though you may not want to be.

Whether they’re called blamers or narcissists, I think this is one of the most destructive types of negative people you can ever deal with. They can have an extremely negative effect on your thinking and your own behavior. They can actually cause such intense anguish and distress, it will last a lifetime until you gain the awareness that it wasn’t you, it was the situation that you were (or are currently) in.

If you’ve been a victim of this type of negative person, you may feel like there is something wrong with you and that if only you were better, or smarter, or nicer, or more competent at your job, or just did the right things for once then the situation would be better between you and the negative person. You end up feeling like it’s all your fault which can end up causing depression, self loathing, or other self destructive tendencies.

It’s a very different reaction from the view point of the narcissist (or blamer), as he really doesn’t see anything wrong with what he does. The fact that you the victim are so upset or feel terrible about things, is simply due to his believing you’re wrong and he’s right. He also thinks it’s his duty or that he’s “helping” by putting others down, telling them what they’re doing wrong, or blaming them for things. He often doesn’t respect other people’s boundaries (walks in without knocking, borrows your stuff, takes credit for your work). In his eyes, he can do no wrong. He also likes to be admired or envied.

Defending yourself from this type of person will only make the situation much worse and you’ll end up being attacked even more. If you point out how you’re innocent and didn’t do anything wrong or that he’s really to blame then an explosion of anger will most likely occur. Then the tables will be quickly turned on you and the blamer will make it appear that everything is entirely your fault. He’s innocent and you’re the evil one.

You’ll also find that he expects you to do things “exactly” as he would do it. This is because he doesn’t see you as a separate person. You are a reflection on him. Nothing you do is ever right though and he’ll constantly criticize you and belittle you. Micromanaging is something he loves to do as well.

A clue that you’re dealing with this type of personality is that he tends to show different sides of his behavior to different people. For example, one child may be treated differently than the others. In the situation of a blamer boss, he’ll be very nice to his superiors or certain colleagues yet absolute “HELL” to work for. He can also be very hot and cold in his relationships in that one moment everything is fine and then the next he’s intensely angry at you. This is one of the reasons it can cause such mental distress for the victim. Other people don’t understand what it’s like because they can’t always see what’s really going on. The blamer will be highly admired by some as they never see this dark side of his behavior.

On the flip side, he’s very sensitive to any perceived criticism from others and may even start to attack or say he’s been deeply hurt even when no true criticism has been said.

With some blamers, they are deceptive and manipulative all the time. Their philosophy tends to be “attack others before they attack me” which means that if they’ve made a mistake they tend to blame others or start to attack others before they can be caught. Often, they see nothing wrong with lying and will lie even if there’s no need to. Another interesting characteristic they tend to have is that they tend to project any of their own wrong doings on to someone else.

http://www.life-with-confidence.com/always-to-blame.html 

61 thoughts on “Why Am I Always To Blame, Why is it Always My Fault

  1. This article has helped me to understand that I am not the one to blame in the situation I am currently experiencing.
    The man in question is my step uncle who hates independence in women and will only show anger and authority when he has had alcohol. He has insulted me twice on two seperate occassions, comparing me to his step daughter, my response has always been in anger. No one believes me when I say” it’s his fault, hes to blame” i now have a rocky relationship with my cousins and I feel no one wants to know me

  2. I have been in a relationship with what you referr to as a “blamer” for over 2 years. After much research, I believe he has borderline personality disorder. He has manipulated, lied and deceived me so much that I am now being treated for depression and anxiety and in the worst shape of my life. This relationship began only months after my 24 year marriage ended, so I was very vulnerable. I’m wondering if he is aware of how much damage he’s done. I mean, is he doing it on purpose. and I’m also wondering how to leave him and if the damage could be permanent

    1. Nobody should be under such stress. Walking away from that toxic person is the answer but I know it is not as easy as that! Does this person really merit your company, your adoration or love if he is hurting you? You deserve better and you should realise that you are strong and a person who has values and respect for yourself is the first and foremost action that you should undertake. Respect for your life means getting rid of the rubbish, walking away from toxic things in your life. Being strong is not easy but not impossible.

  3. thankyou, this as helped me , and in know its not me at work ,this woman makes my life hell and everyone believes her apart from a few people she cums across so sweet yet when no ones looking she does spiteful things to me, I cry everyday at work

  4. “takes credit for your work..” “the tables will be quickly turned on you and the blamer will make it appear that everything is entirely your fault. He’s innocent and you’re the evil one.” Exactly what I am experiencing this few months. As a team every failed missions he would quickly point to me so that everyone thinks that he’s innocent, exactly. All I could do is say nothing. Lol.

  5. i got empty heart im all stressed out of the painful this is not me anymore this is my life the words are hurting me
    is killing me inside im mersable i got life nobody cares they are not around me treating me all wrong i doint like this
    is mean and bulling me im running away and crying

  6. I’m in a 4 yr long relationship inwihc when things go badly and they do often due to the distance we are working from( shes in Calif and I’m in WA). When ever we have an arguement which will go to an all out verbal fight, I’m always told by her that its always her fault and I see that shes attemting tomake me feel guilty. I am NOT perfect but I will not allow someone to run over the top of me and then exclaim that its her fault. Which, of course leaves me feeling like > I < am the bad guy. I'm not a siat, but I'm no full on sinner either….suggestions? I'm about to end this whole thing and NOT get married to someone who constantly plays this blame game.

    1. I have been away from this part of the site for a while and did not see this. Apologies. I hope you have resolved your issues and that you seriously think twice about what you are getting into. The stress and strains of not being in the same location is possibly to blame and she is using the guilt tools to make you aware that this hurts her…or you are setting yourself up for failure because people’s personalities are set in stone and when there are dificult times the reality shines through. I have said this before: In the cold light of day why are you putting up with this? There has to be a poin in time when you wake up and say – HEY! If you dont stop this then I’m outta here…Sometimes people need a wake-up call. There should not be conflict there should be love and mutual respect and harmony. You only have one life. Enjoy it.

  7. Even today, over some small item, it’s gone from a mild disagreement to a full on verbal war. And I am NOT perfect. But I will not allow anyone to insert some words into my mouth and then try to lay claim that its my fault and its always my fault or made to feel like it is my fault when she rants that its her fault and its always her fault. I know a game when I see one and this is about THE ast item I am willing to work on with this person. Shes been told more times than I have fingers, I dont buy into your faith and wont and I do not down grade you for your faith so why FORCE it down my thorat when it doesn’t work for me.? And then the fight is on. And I mean we’re dropping 20 mega ton city killer nukes on each other left and right.

    1. Why do you continue to be in such a volatile relationship. There has to be a poin in time when you wake up and say – HEY! If you dont stop this then I’m outts here…Sometimes people need a wake-up call. There should not be conflict there should be love and mutual respect and harmony. You only have one life. Enjoy it.

  8. Thank you very much, my boyfriend is a blamer, he tells me that 98% of the time when we have a fight it’s always my fault, once I wanted to do something nice for him and I did his dishes and he send me a text later that I didn’t do this out of love but I was being passive aggressive and obstinate because I continued even after he said I should not wash his dishes. That is just one example. He is a counselor and tells me I have a dark twin. Nobody has ever said that to me before.
    In fact my friends and family tell me I’m too nice and I’m a very happy person. I have a wonderful relationship with my children and my former husband and his girlfriend.
    They all feel that he is being abusive and trying to control me.
    I left him but it’s very hard.

    1. Well done for being strong. There are a lot of nice people looking for a loving, caring kind person like yourself. Open your eyes and stay away from the rotten apples. You will find love.

    2. You must have the courage to leave behind those people who are not nice and not worthy of your love. Nobody should be mistreated – not physically nor mentally. Be strong and look for a nice man – there are plenty out there.

    1. Coping with a blamer means confrontation and seeking out the problem – puncturing the wound. generally a blamer is a very weak person who has issues that you as the receiver of blame cannot deal with. Ridding yourself of the problem is the answer not fixing the unfixable. Personality traits are generally fixed in stone after a certain age and the shock of losing someone could awaken the realisation of bad behaviour, could change things…unlikely though…a leopard cannot change its spots. Why do we so desperately cling on to bad relationships when the world is full of lovely people desperate to have a nice and loving relationship.

  9. This is exactly what is going on in my marriage. It is really discouraging to me. I can wake up feeling so happy and by the end of the day I feel depressed, miserable and guilty when in the long run I did nothing wrong. I just defended myself and my children. I feel so distraught\scared at the thought of leaving my husband even though I know he is not good for me and my children. Im not sure what to do.😦

    1. You have to realise that sometimes you are better off without the bad thing that drags you down. There are two choices – talk to him and get the problems out into the open or walk away from the toxicity. Neither choice is easy if you are not strong. Victims are just that victims and they tend to walk from one problem to another … many people leave one abusive relationship and walk into another like a moth to the flame. Be strong, decide for happiness and make changes otherwise you will never have a smile on your face and enjoy the beauty of your children or give them the loving future they deserve.

      1. is there no way to help the situation. I’m 10 years in with an eight yr old. I love him and want this to work but I feel like I’m at my breaking point. My child told me last night that daddy doesn’t love me as much as I love him . I’m very heartbroken.

  10. I know all to well this. My youngest son’s mom was shot by her husband last year. I moved in to help her for she is my son’s mom to be there for my son and help her. So I sold everything I had to support them. Now I am the only one with a job and she says that she can’t get a job for her food she smokes 2 to 3 packs a day or her criminal history she has a misdemeanor and we are not trying to work it out we are not together in any way. I work Mon thru Fri 10 plus hours a day and I am not allowed to get my eye exam and new glasses I have none now. And I must buy her everything for her. But it is my fault my son acts up only when I come home and the dogs act up when I come in. Not to mention that she is miserable because of me and can do no right everything I do is stupid and I am a quoted so she says. I use to be a EMT advance life support was so for 5 years and couldn’t do it after working my own dad for an hour to no avail. I then became a firefighter and eventually an instructor and had an accident at my regular job and tore my bicep off of my left arm and stepped down and never went back to it. So it all is my fault and I can do no right so I am the irresponsible one and need to work more. So I get off work and dread coming home and vomit repeatedly all I hear is screaming and fussing and cussing orders barked hatred spit towards me. Oh by the way she is a Christian and I am evil. Interesting isn’t it. Sometimes I can see why people commit suicide. But if god is having me go through this then he must really have something big in store for me. Chin up to all and with God’s grace we will get through these trying times.

    1. Sorry she has COPD not food. And she says I am a quiter not quoted lol so sorry not used to auto correct function.

    2. Its not Gods grace but self assertiveness that should see you through life. You are in charge of your own destiny and can be happy, peaceful and contented if you get rid of the things that drag you down.

  11. I wonder if I am the blamer, or my spouse. He is always blaming me and saying I’m at fault and that I am constantly blaming him. I feel like Im crazy. At times I feel like he has a point and others I feel that I have a right to feel the way I do.

    1. My brother Started a Website a couple years back . It is for Anyone who is having a bad day , P.T.S.D , Anyone who has been through anything traumatic & for family members to help their family or friends cope with what they are going through Its all about love & knowing U R Not Alone. Please pass this on huddl.org

    2. I feel the exact same way, I spend hours questioning whether it was me that caused that row or him. We both seem to misundersand one another and neither of us seem to be able to believe that each others feelings are justified. 12 years of marriage with a beautiful 5 year old son and not ready to give up just yet but still feeling at breaking point

  12. I found this site after being yelled at this morning because I didn’t wake up fast enough to have sex with him before he had to go to work. He wants it like in the movies “what’s wrong with movies?” He asked (after I told him that he wanted to live like the movies)

    I can never do anything right. I even question if it was a mistake that I survived my accident when I was younger. God had me live for THIS????? Am I being punished? Is this life to make me PAY for something I did in the last one? I don’t know how much more I can take!
    This has helped me believe that maybe he is a MPD or BP, whatever he has, it’s draining me.
    The cops even told me and my daughter “talking to him is like talking to the wall” I’m constantly being compared to other women. In an effort to “teach me and make me learn”
    Between the yelling, screaming, gas-lighting, tantrums where things get broken, threats and being told that I need meds for depression and menopause, that “menopause” (I’m past 30 so I MUST being going through it) has been making HIS life hell for the past 2 years and I need to see a psychiatrist, I’m a basket case and he wonders why!!

    1. There are a lot of nice people in the world who would love to have a normal relationship, who are kind and loving but not given the chance because they are possibly too nice, geeky, ugly, shy, etc. Nobody should be in a relationship where the other person is horrible, nasty and yelling! Find yourself aa nice person, friend and take comfort in their kindness. Don’t wallow in misery, do something about it and be strong. Make changes. You only have one life!

    2. nobody deserves to be yelled at. Be strong and tell him to F*** himself. Smile, live life and look around you at the beauty of nature – animals don’t bicker at each other then get about living and loving.

  13. Thanks. I see that I am a victim, even though, I have not been submissive, because I know that if I can apologize, and fault my self, some of the times, then I know that I am only human; However someone that seems to have extreme pride, is unaware that their only human also!

  14. I get blamed all the time and it causes me to drink. She never takes the time to sit down and try to think what pushed me to it. I have PTSD issues from my combat tours and have been to the psych ward. She caused that because she wanted to argue with me about something that was not done to her satisfaction. This was right after I told her my friend got killed in Afghanistan. Now I am the one who does all the laundry in the house for the whole family. This includes my mother-in-law and stepson who can do no wrong. So this time I was wrong for standing up for myself. I was wrong in asking for a little consideration and at least someone asking if I needed help. They always want something from me, but never want to offer. So now I am the evil one. I am wondering how I got here. I am tired of her playing the victim and me being the monster. A marriage takes work, but now she is the one walking around like she did nothing wrong. She found that one of the shirts was still wet and found it important to bring to my attention instead of just taking care of it. When I laid dieing in afghanistan i never thought that I was allowed to live just to be a servant instead of a husband

    1. Dear Nino, You have faced battle and have been under severe stress in a war zone. You learn to outflank, outmaneuver and outwit your opponents and are trained for combat. Here I read a person (you) who has kinda given up on who he is and is allowing another person to dictate and dominate and you capitulate…you have given up on yourself. Would you do that as a soldier? I don’t think so. Heading to drink is no answer and you know that. You have 1 life which was given back to you after your combat duty so you need to make the most of it. Hold your head up, look around you as there are many places, many people and many great things you could be doing instead of being downtrodden. Stand up strong and move your life forward – You only have one chance, so make the most of it, not the worst.

  15. Damn feels.😥

    As a junior lawyer in my first year in legal practice, I am well aware that I have a lot to learn from my experienced senior lawyers and clerks in my company. Unfortunately they take it as an advantage and tend to yell at me over every trivial issues, including their own mistakes. When I finally brought the issue to my boss’ attention, he told me that all of them are under “tremendous stress” and I should just shut up, stop complaining and do my own work.

    At first I tried to yell back and defend myself, and yes, like you mentioned in your article, it makes everything worse.

    “Why me?” This is a question I’ve been asking myself ever since I joined the company. Just like everybody else, I’m dealing with everything within my job scope properly, but why am I the only one getting blamed and yelled at all the time?

    This is my 10th month in the company and I realize that I’ve lost all my confidence in myself – I don’t even dare to make a call without consulting my seniors! Feeling completely useless and lost. I’ve lost count of how many times I want to leave the company, yet I’m still here working for them because I no longer have the courage and confidence to apply for a new job.

    Day 310, still struggling.

    1. You have to look at this in real terms and stop thinking it’s all about you. It’s about stressed human beings who take out there frustration on somebody lower down the chain. I am sure they don’t yell at their bosses but their bosses may yell at them…You do not need to work in a toxic environment. If you cannot fix it, the only way, I’m afraid, is to look for work elsewhere. It’s that simple. You are not beholding to your job. Stand up, be strong and move on.

      1. Just went through another horrible day and I’m glad to read your heartfelt advice. :’)

        Thank you so much. I will stay strong and move on.

      2. You have to believe in yourself, your values and your abilities. You are, deep down, the creator of your own destiny…make your life happy and leave these people in their misery – leave them in your wake…nautically speaking! You know you can!

  16. My husband is so charming and sincere towards everyone. Sometimes overly nice. We have been together for 7 years, married for almost a year. I can’t believe how things have changed and what has developed. I’m walking on egg shells all the time and I’m consistently nice about everything. I’m always apologizing for silly things but he’s extremely angry with me all the time. I’m starting to feel like I’m some kind of retarded woman that never learned to do anything. He’s always calling me an idiot and saying such hurtful things. He stopped have conversations with me like an adult and just tells at me. There’s no reasoning with him or telling him he’s wrong either. It makes it a million times worse if I just don’t apologize right away. But that doesn’t even help. I have no idea how he survives being so negative all the time. I’m so happy with everything and if I’m not happy I change whatever it is. I do so much house/yard work and I’m always being told I never do anything and he does everything. I’m to the point where I’m emotionally beat up. I’m starting to think I’m just a naive piece of crap and did not see this coming.

    1. This is sad to hear and typifies how people who once loved a person enough to commit to them suddenly turns horrible! My suggestion is radical and probably not on your agenda…but you should not accept his abuse and stand up for yourself. You know you havé done nothing Strong because you havé been able to express that in your writing! Be Strong and Tell him no more abuse … Where has the love gone? … Ask him why he is so angry…maybe there is no love anymore and only frustration that turns to anger…it’s tough to face up to but you must for your own sanity.

  17. I know this reply is late, but I just stumbled upon this when researching and it helped me.
    I believe I am married to a blamer. For so long I blamed myself for everything, thus because my dad was a blamer and I was that one child who he blamed for everything. When my husband and I got together I didn’t necessarily see him as a narcissistic person. I don’t know if it was because he was putting on a facade, or if I was just to weak to notice, or both? He was very sweet, and he can still have very sweet manners about him, but when he gets upset he is a completely different person. I used to blame myself for eveything that went wrong. I am starting now to wonder if everything was ever my fault? Parts of me still believes it is and an opposite side of me tells me its not. An example, he gets so mad and controlling when it comes to money. It’s Christmas time, and like last year the problem is the same. He tells me to spend a certain amount and so I stay at that budget. Yet then once we start paying for presents he freaks out and it starts a crazy argument about how I over spend, or I lie to him about where the money is going, or I am taking all his money, and he works so much harder than me even though he works less hours and I need to think better and make better choices. The worse part is, is he gets my mother in law involved and she takes his side to. My family lives farther away, and I wouldn’t dare drag people in to pick sides, so I constantly am the bad guy and stay there in that spot. He has become very controlling. Says I can’t get new clothes, can’t go grocery shopping without him. I have to buy the foods he wants or he criticises me. Its gets bad enough some times he’ll cry, or he’ll throw stuff and then get mad that I now ignore him while he does this. Say’s I’ve changed. I don’t know what to do some times. Can this be helped or changed? I feel like I have to tip toe around this problem or keep my mouth shut because it will just make things worse.

    1. Dear Terri,
      I am no doctor of psychology, nor am I a psychiatrist I am just a normal man who has lived many years 56 of them so far…I have seen and experienced the complex world that humans have created. Relationships are tough and when people get controlling it is always because there are people who allow themselves to be dominated. It is hard to stand up to the one you love and when they throw a tantrum and become ‘the victim’ it is clear that they are the ones with the issues. It takes a lot to change person’s personality (normally an illness, or a near-death experience). As long as there is no violence and you are not in harm’s way you should look to be stronger, look to stand up to him and not be down-trodden. If he doesn’t like the food you buy tell him to go and get his own shopping…In a relationship it is all about sharing and it is not a one-way street. You are not his slave, you are supposed to be his partner and vice versa. Be strong. There are plenty of nice people out there looking for a lovely lady like you. It is sad that the person who has the privilege to be with you does not see that you are such a nice person – the person he chose to be with in the first place.

  18. In my case, it’s my Step-Dad who is the blamer. I was already well aware of the fact that I was never at fault, but the problem is I have nowhere to go. I am trying to complete my degree so I can finally move out, but until then im stuck at home. Actually home is the incorrect word when describing the house i live in, Prison would be better. This is a living hell, but im not planning on taking my life. However i can’t see myself making it through school at this rate. Any ideas for someone with nowhere to go?

    1. I had written back to you whilst I was travelling but it appears not to have been published. I don’t know what to say other than you have to stand strong in the face of adversity and look at the end goal and your degree. Getting through school is VERY important so that you can stand on you own two feet and make a life for yourself free of this man. Imagine all those poor people who have nothing and then look at your situation critically. If there is no physical violence you can rise above the insults and the mental abuse. You have to see this as an opportunity to be motivated to do well and drive forward harder – concentrate on the goal and not the hurdles in-between…I hear your words I hope this encourages you to finish your degree.

  19. an exact definition of my dad, always telling me “you started it!” Especially when he starts yelling and I get mad and yell back. It’s always the same “you yelled first” I’ve had enough.

  20. Thank you for this article…i have learnt something very clearly. One is not always wrong. Sometimes some situations and people whom we adore and trust keep on putting us in the wrong place..but that place is very difficult to deal with. I have had several failed relationships in live and it has put me through a severe stage of depression. Even after several years and attempts i couldnt recover from that state and kept blaming myself for all those wrongs that happened in my life. Even after years a part of me still keep repeating the same question ‘WHY ME?’. I accept my choices were wrong, i tend to correct them but everything seemed just going down the drains. Time did heal a lot but then everything is still quite clumsy. I get irritated easily, losing my calm at simple things, i shout yell cry but nothing really gets me out of my shell. This article helped me understand my stage somehow and good to know I am not the only one. thank you so much…

  21. I read this article to myself and the whole time I’m shouting in my head “yes!, Omg that’s exactly him” etc. My husband whom iv been with for 10 yrs and have a two yr old with can be caring and selfless, however he has this switch, and when its flipped he gets very angry very quickly. This afternoon he used my car then this evening I asked when my keys were and because they were not where he thought they were he blamed me for moving them. He is very specific where he puts his things and everything around the house has to b done his way so him losing or misplacing something doesn’t go down well. I finally found them and when I did again he said that he didn’t put them there and it must have been me (but said in an aggressive manner). I said not to blame me and just because they were where he thought they were doesn’t mean its someone else’s fault. (probably not the best thing to say as I know how he gets, but I don’t like being put down when iv done nothing wrong). He then basically blamed me again then told me I was making the situation worse and that I needed to shut the f*ck up. This is just a small example of his behaviour and it doesn’t happen often however he can hold a grudge for a long time (I’m talking months!) (I mean he’s sleeping in the other room tonight for goodness sake). Basically when its good he’s lovely buy when its bad its horrendous and noone else sees this side of him so they just don’t understand. I don’t want to leave him as I still love him but I do need the means to talk to him about it. So what I asking for is if someone knows how to even start a conversation like this with such a strong “blamer”. Every talk In the past has obviously not gone well as the basis of the conversation is a negative about him so I’m just at a loss of where to go from here. Please. Help xxxxx

    1. It is often hard to understand how you can love somebody who treats you so bad and that he has to go and sleep alone. Holding a grudge? What terrible things do you do that makes another person hold a grudge for months? Seriously! This is not rational. It seems to be a one way street and there is no way that he will engage in a rational way…otherwise he would not do these things. He seems unhappy in his life. Ask him what is making him unhappy…and dont look to blame for how he is but get to the bottom of his irrational behaviour…

  22. Hello mister. Actually I don’t really know what to do anymore. In my case, the one who always blames everything on me is my mother. Even the time when I was molested, she said that it happened to everyone, and if I let it bothers me, I am a loser. From the time I was born my skin is sick (it’s not infective), and when someone in the family tell their kid to stay away from me because I’m sick, when I tell her she said it was because I live too messy that people think like that. When my uncle blame me for stealing their stuff, even though she believes I didn’t do it, she said that it was my fault to ever borrow stuffes from people (my uncle). That were the big things, there’re lots of small things that happen everyday too. To tell you the truth, my mother’s past is pitiful, so she always act strong, and she sacrified everything to bring me and my sister up. At the time I was born, she even has tuberculosis and nearly died. But at the present, everything is kind of alright but she is still always like that, I think part of it because she never admit she’s wrong, but part of it is because she worried so much about everything too. I always try to not answer everything she said at times when she’s being unreasonable. But, sometimes I just feel so unfair and can’t keep it in. I’m lucky even after all that I still always believe that I’m worth something, but, I love my mother so much and I want us to be happy, which I think won’t happen if my mother keeps being like that (she’s been like that ever since the day I was born). Please give me an advise. I would take myself and mom to a psychologist if there were someone trustworthy in my country, but no, their no real psychologists in my country. Can you please give me an advice, I’m so tired.

    1. I am not sure how old you are or which country you live in so that would be nice to know. You have to look at your mother and understand that she is really the one that has the problem. It is not you. She is using you because you are close and an easy target. You have to confront her and ask her why! Why does she need to be like she is – ask her in a matter of fact way what is troubling her …Believe in yourself and do not allow yourself to be dominated like this. Just say NO and believe that you are right and be strong like your mother and look people in the eye and say NO…NO MORE…Tell them this is not how people are supposed to be and that it is about LOVE and LOVE is not there to hurt.

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